Painful first and forever last
by sammygirldeangirl
Summary: A different way it went down on Fresh blood. There was something Gordon desired a little more than killing Sam. Sam looses something he can never get back but Dean shows him that he will always be there to make things better.


Sam woke up feeling lightheaded. He tried to move but he couldn't move or speak. He saw Dean lying unconscious on the floor across from him and started squirming but he stopped when Gordon walked over to him.

Gordon walked over to him and picked him up. "Well, look who's finally awake." He turned Sam toward Dean and bent him over the table. "I wanted you to be awake when I did this."

He left Sam there and went over to Dean who he kicks in the stomach.

Dean jumped up but fell back down. He realized that he was tied and couldn't move. "Let me go you bastard!" He yelled.

Gordon smiled "Such profanity Dean now what would your mother say about that." He walked back over to Sam who was still bent over the table. "I have something to show you Dean." He ran his hand down Sam's back. "I've always found you so sexy." Sam tried to move away but Gordon grabbed him arm and held it tight. "Don't do that again." Gordon snarled.

Now that Gordon was a vampire he was so much stronger. Sam settles back down on the table as Gordon continues to touch him. He closed his eyes and imagined that Dean wasn't there but they quickly opened when he felt his jeans loosen.

Dean struggled with the rope. "Stop it or I swear to god I will kill you!"

Gordon let out a sharp laugh. "Oh Dean, how I would love to see you try." He sat and watched as Dean struggled again then turned back to Sam. "You know there is something I wanted a little more than killing you and that is to fuck you senseless right in front of your brother. You see I know a little more than you think. I know that you and your brother are in love with each other and you've been dating for almost a year now but you've never had sex. Well I felt so bad that I thought that I would be Sammy's first." He pulled down Sam jeans alone with his boxers.

Dean looked into Sam's horrified and scared eyes. "Please Gordon don't do it. We'll go and we'll never bother you again just don't do it."

Gordon looked at Dean. "You really think that I'm going to fall for that." He started to undo his jeans.

Sam started squirming again and he managed to get from under Gordon but he just pulled him back and gripped the back of his neck so tight that Sam winced. "In order for this to work Sammy you're going to have to behave."

Sam started to shiver as he heard Gordon's jeans come down and hit the floor. He felt Gordon's hands on his hips. Sam looked at Dean with tears in his eyes.

Dean pulled and pulled at the ropes on his arms trying and failing to get free. "You sick fucker I'm going to kill you!"

Gordon sighed and let go of Sam. "See I'm trying to be nice and let you speak but you continue to say mean things to me and I don't like it." He grabbed the tape and covered Dean's mouth with it. Going back to Sam he grips his hips again. "Now where were we?"

With no hesitation or warning Gordon plunged into Sam and he let out a muffled scream. Sam closed his eyes as Gordon slammed in and out of him. He felt his insides rip and something liquid like run down his leg.

Gordon stopped a minute. "Oh I know something that will make this so much better." He pulled the tape off of Sam's mouth and marveled at the sounds of pain that was coming from him. Sam locked eyes with Dean before closing them tightly. The pain becoming more unbearable and it only seemed to get worse.

Hearing Sam screaming did it for Dean and he finally got out of the rope that was holding him hostage. He grabbed the colt that was not far from him, aimed it at Gordon's head and pulling the trigger. Gordon stood there for a minute then crumbled to the floor. Dean stood there, his chest heaving. Sam fell to the floor with a cry and Dean ran over to him.

"Sammy oh god are you ok?" Dean said. Sam's eyes were still closed tight as silent sobs kept coming from his mouth. He then felt Dean's hands on his legs, pulling his jeans up. Dean helped Sam to his feet and stood in front of him. "Sammy?" He said. Sam opened his eyes and was met with his brother's soft green ones. Together they walked out the building and to the car. Dean helped Sam inside then quickly got in himself.

Hotel 7

With Sam's arm around his shoulder Dean guided Sam inside the apartment. Sam stood in the middle of the room as Dean helped him out of his clothes. He was lead to the bathroom and while Dean was getting the shower warm enough for him he was staring at his feet, tears still rolling down his face.

Sam got in the shower and Dean got in behind him. Dean grabbed a washcloth and wet it. He didn't want to use soap because he feared that it would hurt Sam or burn him. He started around Sam's ankles and worked his way up. The blood was thick and dried up as Dean tried gently to get it off. He told Sam to open his legs and he wiped the inside of them. As he got further up Dean felt Sam's muscles tighten. He used his other hand and ran it up the outside of Sam's leg. "Just breathe Sammy."

Sam nodded and felt Dean starting to wash him again. He winced as Dean finally got to where it hurt most. More tears fell from his face and he closed his hands, his nails digging into the palm of his hands. When Dean was finally done he stood and slid his hands up Sam's arms and up to his hands which were still closed. He slid both their hands off the wall and turned Sam to him.

Sam was looking down at his feet. Dean lifted Sam's face with his hand; Sam's eyes were still closed though. "Sammy open your eyes."

Sam didn't open his eyes for his brother. His head simply fell down onto Dean's shoulder and his arms went around his neck. He buried his face in Dean's neck.

Dean wrapped his arms around his brother's waist pulling him closer to him. He could still hear Sam softly sniffling against his neck and his head rested on Sam's shoulder. "I'm so sorry Sammy god  
>I'm so fucking sorry." Sam didn't say anything he just held Dean close to him and feared for his life.<p>

After helping Sam out of the shower and getting him dressed the two of them went back to the bedroom. Sam slowly got into bed as Dean got up his clothes. He put the clothes in a bag and threw them in the dumpster. When he got back to the hotel room Sam was lying on his stomach looking at him. From the doorway Dean could see his tear's glistening in the sunlight. He closed the door, locked it and went over to his brother. Climbing into the bed he laid down on his side facing him. "So you're finally letting me see those beautiful brown eyes."

Sam just stared at his brother.

Dean sighed and his hand came up and took Sam's in his own and held it tight. "I love you."

Once again Sam just stared at him. Even though it was the first time he said I love you to him he could open his mouth and say it back. Suddenly his eyes felt heavy and he started to drift in and out of sleep.

Dean watched his brother until he finally drifted off to sleep. Instead of going to sleep himself he stayed up and looked at his little brother. The same little brother he was suppose to protect and love, the same little brother who meant the world to him, the same little brother that was just violated right in front of him. He closed his eyes as tears started to form in his eyes. This was his fault, everything was his fault. Sammy had just lost something he would never get back and he was the blame.

Early the next morning Sam woke up with the same pain from last night. He blinked his eyes and looked up at his brother who was staring into space.

Dean was resting against the headboard looking at the wall in front of him. Thinking about anything and everything he could do to make this better for his brother.

"Dean?" Sam said hoarsely.

Dean looked down at Sam and laid back down on his side facing him. "Hey how are you felling?"

Sam looked away from his brother for a minute then looked back. "It still hurts." He said silently.

Dean nodded "Sammy I'm so sorry."

"This wasn't your fault Dean and I don't want you saying otherwise." Sam took Dean's hand. "I know I lost something that I can never get back but I still have you and that's all that matters."

Dean looked away from Sam. "But why? You didn't deserve this Sammy."

"And neither did you." Sam said.

"Maybe you should just leave me. If I hadn't told you about how I felt none of this would have happened."

"And neither would we and by the way I love you too." Sam said smiling.

Dean looked up and him. "You love me too?"

Sam nodded "Yeah I didn't say it back last night when you said it was because I was…I don't know how to explain it. I just wanted to be close to someone I felt safe with and I've always felt safe with you."

Dean kissed Sam's hand. "I'm so lucky that I have you with me Sam."

"Me too." Sam said and started to get up but stopped and groaned.

Dean sat up "What are you doing Sam? Maybe you should stay in bed for awhile."

Sam sat back down. "Well, are you going to pee for me?"

Dean got up and helped Sam to the bathroom and back to bed. Dean didn't get back in bed though he started to get dressed. "I'll be back."

"Wait!" Sam said. "Where are you going?"

Dean turned to him. "I'm just going to get something to eat I'll be right back."  
>Sam sighed "I don't mean to act like a five year old again but this it's just like the time I got attacked when we were little. Do you remember that?"<p>

Dean smiled and sat on the bed. "Yeah you would let me go anywhere without you so instead of going with dad I stayed with you."

Sam smiled "I won't bother you Dean I promise."

"You won't bother me Sam and if you want to come with me you can." Dean got up and gathered Sam's things. He helped him get dressed and they both left.

On the car ride back to the hotel Sam fell asleep with his head resting against the window. Dean looked over at him every once in a while to make sure he was ok. Suddenly Sam jumped up making Dean also jump. "Are you okay?"

Sam looked over at him. "Yeah I'm okay."

Dean knew that was a lie and he pulled the car over. He turned to his brother. "Come on Sammy just talk to me."

Sam sighed "I keep seeing him."

Dean looked confused "You keep seeing who?"

Sam closed his eyes "Gordon, I keep seeing Gordon."

Dean reached over and took Sam's hand. "Hey." Sam looks at Dean. "Gordon is dead and he's never going back. I'm here and I'm never going to leave you."

Sam nodded "Okay."

They continued their ride home with Dean holding Sam's hand the whole time.

Three months later

Sam was completely over the Gordon incident but not Dean. Ever since then he been distant with Sam when it came to sex or anything even coming close to it. He feared that he would hurt Sam in some way and Sam would never forgive him for it. So here he was sitting on the bed with Sam next to him. They were both just in their boxers.

"I don't understand Dean? Do you just not want to have sex with me." Sam said.

"It's not that Sammy." Dean said looking over at him.

"Then what is it I mean don't you want to be with me?" Sam asked.

"I am with you." Dean said.

Sam sighed and stood up. "That's not what I mean and you know it." He got on his knees in front of Dean and placed his hands on his legs. "Dean I want you."

Dean refused to look at his brother. "And I do to Sam I just don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me Dean and why would you think you would?" Sam yelled. Dean looked at him then looked away and Sam knew. "Gordon?"

"That was so painful for you and I don't want to do that to you." Dean said.

Sam sat back next to his brother. "Dean he raped me."

"Don't remind me." Dean whispered. "That was your first time and you were violated.

Sam reached over and lifted Dean's face to his. "Then show me."

"Show me what?" Dean asked.

"Show me how good it feels." Sam let go of Dean's face and laid down on the bed.

Dean looked back at Sam and saw him slid his jeans off. He stared at his brother for a minute then slid out of his own. He took a deep breath and crawled up to Sam. When they were face to face Dean started to shake.

"I'm...I'm..I don't think...I...I can do this S...S...Sammy." Dean stuttered out. "I don't even know what to do."

Sam placed both of his hands on Dean's face. "Just do as I say okay." Dean nodded and Sam reached over on the nightstand and picked up a bottle of lube. Dean sat up and Sam poured some on Dean's hands and fingers then laid back down. He lifted his legs and closed his eyes as he felt Dean's shaky fingers touch him.

"How do you know what to do Sam?" Dean asked.

"Porn can teach you a lot of things." Sam said smiling.

Dean pushed a finger inside his brother and felt Sam relax around him. Sam wanted more so he added another finger then another. Stretching Sam wider and wider. "Now what?" Dean asked.

Sam opened his eyes and looked at his brother. "Now you put some on yourself and enter me."

Dean nodded and placed more lube on his cock. He pulled Sam's legs up into his shoulder and looked down at his brother. "Sammy just tell me to stop if it's too much okay." Sam nodded and Dean started to enter his brother. As soon as Sam made a face Dean stopped. "Sam?"

"No, don't stop Dean keep going I'm okay." Sam assured him.

Dean slowly eased inside his brother, stopping every once in a while when Sam asked him too. When he was finally inside his brother Dean started down at Sam's closed eyes. "Sammy open your eyes."

Sam opened his eyes and nodded.

Still looking at his brother Dean started to move in and out. Soon they were both panting and sweating. Sam and Dean moved in perfect motion together. They both felt like they were on fire but in a good way.

"Oh god Dean I'm going to cum!" Sam shouted and exploded onto his stomach.

Dean kept rocking in and out. His eyes closed as he felt himself on edge and he too soon exploded inside his brother.

Dean collapsed on Sam's chest and he wrapped his arms around the older males back. Running his fingers up and down. "Oh wow Dean that was-"

Dean turned to Sam. "Did I hurt you?"

Sam shook his head. "No that was amazing after...I thought it was always going to be like that but it wasn't."

Dean sat up on his hands. "I'm going to pull out now." Sam nodded and Dean slowly pulled out.

Sam moaned at the loss of his brother inside him but as Dean laid beside him he turned onto his side and wrapped his arm around his stomach. "I never thought it would be so good."

Dean smiled as his arm went around Sam's neck, resting on his shoulder. "I know neither did I?" He kissed Sam on the head. "I love you Sammy I've always have and I always will."

Sam smiled and closed his eyes. The sleep starting to creep up on him. "I love you too Dean, always and forever."

A/N READ AND LEAVE A LITTLE REVIEW IF YOU PLEASE AND I HOPE YOU'VE ENJOYED MY LITTLE STORY.


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